Twas the Night Before Christmas.....

Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,
not at a dish was washed because we had no water,

the stockings could not be hung on the chimney with care,
in hopes to avoid the smell of dirty stockings that would be there,

i was nestled all snug on the couch,not yet in bed,
caus it was only 7:30 and im not daly,

And kitty in her apron and i in my dressing gown,
had just settled in with a bottle of wine to drown,

when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
i couldnt be arsed to check but kitty sprung up to see what was the matter,

away to the window she flew like a flash,
we dont call her detective kitty for nothing you know,

the moon on the brest of the mother-f*cking week old snow,
gave the lustre of tippex to objects below,

when,what before my blue eyes should appear,
but a sleigh and eight horses dressed up as reindeer.............................

because we are all about having the horses outside.

Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!
and now,time for wine,some sneaking present opening and ham eating!

It all got a bit biblical - this starts slow but gets interesting!

Well it just seems like forever since I've been on here chattering away about the goings on in my life... so here is some of what I've been doing.

Well I went home to Tipp and stayed with my aunt for her birthday and then we got snowed in and I stayed for an extra two weeks. Of course the snow was gone from everywhere but her road (and I stress her road and NO ONE elses) froze over. Yes so it was life a road of ice, and only people in tractors and 4 wheel drives were meant to drive on it, obviously once the alcohol ran out Emer and I ventured outside and drove 2 miles an hour then managed to speed along every other road that were completely fine. Also I'm not talking country road = mess and main roads = fine oooohhh no! All the other roads were fine, no ice, no snow. In saying this her neighbour totaled her car trying to go to work so it really was messy. The woman left her driveway, turned right onto road, slid back and into a ditch. She was unharmed and presumably got loads of time off work, I hope she was still paid.

Annnyyywwwhooodle two weeks of being in Emer's house watching TV, comedy, all that great Corrie stuff (by the by that did take up my evenings of one of the weeks... it was brilliant, wow I love Corrie again... I mean I hadn't seen it in forever and though I feel Sally is being a little harsh on Kevin, not that in the real world I think women should be ok with their partners having affairs with neighbours in soap world Sally has had 9 affairs... pot-kettle-black... though she never had a secret child with her best friend's spouse, so I guess I have to side with Sally on that one! Also thank ________ (insert deity here) Rita is ok...) Also well I could talk about Corrie forever cos it's pretty much the only thing spectacular in Tipp, though I had Soooooo much fun with Emer. It was lovely being woken up in the mornings by Maxi (her dog) tottering in to see me then tottering out, having lots of tea and drinking a bottle of wine a night with Emer chatting about life etc. That's a bottle each, obviously, we're cut from the same cloth on that one!

Anyway the time came when i really was missing my darling Musings and the road was thawing out and I decided to venture back to Dublinia with the mater. So we drove back listening to Christmas music and in a really deep fog, all the way from Carlow so that added more time, that I can't honestly say I felt, because of my great love for crimbo songs. Then we came home I grabbed bags etc. went into the house and thought why does it sound like it's raining... looked to the right (living room door) that had a new water feature I hadn't previously noticed. The floor in there was saturated, it had a layer of water, quite like a pond in the middle of the room but wet through the whole room. The skirting board or whatever they're called when they're between the ceiling and the wall were, well on the floor and couch that was up against the wall. The wall... ahh that had water running all down it, like in torrents and the lampshade seemed to be taking the biggest brunt of the force as it had turned into it's very own waterfall.

Mum and I stared in disbelief and then ran to our neighbour, Ray the Amazing (and that Daly is NOT an unneeded capital letter) he was sooooo brilliant he turned off our water, yes i know you're all thinking you mean you are a useless girl that couldn't turn off the mains under your sink??? Alas dodgy builders, who stole from us and did a fairly dodgy version of house renovation, in general... nails? they didn't seem to need them, not when they could get their hands on some glue, most likely prit stick (yep I could have gone somewhere else with that but "dignity, always dignity")So there was no mains tap under our sink and then we moved the dishwasher and nope not there so Ray went up to the attic and couldn't do it from there and then he went outside to the one on the street and got down and turned it off there which was an awful job cos it took ages to work out which size connection thingy (ok so I'm a bit girly) went on and he had to do all of this without bending his knees cos he had an operation on them recently. Saviour. Water stopped pumping. Then he went and got us a suction pump thing and we tried getting the water up and he drove across town to his son-in-law for a spare pipe and he cut the 2 burst pipes and fixed them.

I forgot to mention the 2 bedrooms. Yup, my sister's bedroom, and mine. My sttuuuuffff! Oh crap well the stuff in general was ok, though the beds (it used to be a shared room but even though all children are long since out of the house and each have their own abode (3 out of five in a different country) except for yours truly the bed numbers remained for return visits and admittedly the family is growing rather then reducing, as is normal with families particularly the Irish) were soaked and on that bed was darling Tommy the teddy, amazingly dry, still haven't figured out how, and my prize cushion of beautiful pictures of the lovely Reflections, Moloney and Daly and others in our Uni days up to this and that, well it's drying in front of a radiator now. Well anyway, the water seemed to LOVE my clothes, as in all of my clothes, bags, shoes and coats, yup amazingly fabulous coats, yes some of them are childrens but they still fit damn it and it's fecking Ted Baker, oh heart break. Anyway, I'm sure they'll wash ok, though my clothes aren't bought for function and definitely none of those coats had seen water previously and I'm not sure they were a fan, but I'll find that out soon enough.

So that night we headed over to my sista (the one in the Republic) & stayed there. It was a Saturday, so no plumbers or insurance company was available also we didn't need a plumber because of Ray the Amazing. Well we stayed with Geri and on Saturday there was a bit of tidy up but we also watched a film and relaxed, and then on Monday the insurance person came over. She was lovely and just took everything down and was like we'll send in our peeps unless you have some you'd prefer and yada yada yada, don't worry! (FBD in case you're wondering.) So we started packing up things though we have to make a list of them and then we heard this crashing kerplunk type sound and thought what the hell was that?? It was the ceiling of our living room meeting the floor.

So then we decided to stop focusing on Adrienne's room and empty the living room... 30 minutes or so later with no sound of a warning (you see I thought there's be a creaking or something) another chunk of the ceiling fell, just where dad and I had been standing, as in I saw his camera walked over to it (3 steps away) and crash. This brought with it the light which smashed exactly where I had just been standing... scary.

Well as you can imagine its all a bit of a mess. We've emptied the rooms into other rooms and I'm staying with Geri, and today I'm packing living room into plastic boxes and other exciting things...

As Dolly always says: If you want the rainbows you gotta put up with the rain - I didn't know she was being literal

christmas.

one way to increase blog readers at this time of year is to name one's most recent blog post "Christmas"......one is a genius.

so,i was also inspired to write this blog whilst listening to christmas FM,and thinking about how much i have to do before the big day.but slight problemo in that im broke,broke to the hole.soooo im thinking handmade presents this year,because im a dab hand with a bit of paint,lollipop sticks and double sided sticky tape (having been reared by Mary Fitzgerald.......practically.)

so present list:
Mammy Musings:a painting of myself,complete with cardboard frame made from cereal box.

Daddy Musings:a keyring made from pasta and PVA glue,complete with miniature photo of me.

Sister Musings: a recording of my various songs,including robbie williams "angels" and the recent "boob state of mind" plus a previously unheard recording of "the love hole"(to the tune of the love boat)

Max Musings(Dog):a dog biscuit robbed from the press,wrapped in a printed Christmas photo of me.

Daly: a recording of my Christmas album of religious hymns, my copy of "The Secret" (because if you imagine Christmas miracles they do come true) and a dildo made of lollipop sticks.

Reflections: a bottle of my "special secret brew"......90% proof

Moloney: a papier mache photo album of photos from our trip to Asia, made up of photos of me only.

Homies(girls from home,not homosexuals):a hug.......

The posse(nuns I live with):a downloaded copy of boogie nights and my recording of frosty the pervert.

Myself:some me time......at a hairdressers....getting my hair done......and some new clothes....and shoes.......and i need to go to the dentist....
OOOH, and a surprise.

Because nothing says i love you to friends and family like gifts involving me.......

holy moses batman.........

this shall henceforth be a two part blog post.............
the first part shall be a retort to daly's blog on her recent trip to see the new Harry Potter(with yours truly)
the second part shall refer to the title of this blog post,in which i almost got recruited by overly zealous religious youth and have only just recovered enough to write about my ordeal.......
anyhews...................

sooooo,i made the trip over to the lovely Edinburgh to see Daly!(thank you €22 ryanair flight!)whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop.
there was wine and song and much loudness,so much so that Daly can no longer go back to a certain pub....or restaurant.....ahem......jeez,if they cant take a joke(or two friends who havent seen each other in ages and like to laugh uncontrollably at rude,dirty and inappropriate things).

We also queued(ridiculously early) to see the new Harry Potter!
Now,i have read the books and remember the majority of the story,but im not going to remember the insy weensy details like Ciara "photographic memory" Daly..........
so i was not bothered that they left out parts,i realy enjoyed the film and it meant 2 and half hours of complete escapism(to a world where i could be a witch and where gingers are attractive).......
ah to be 50 years younger eh,i would SO tap that.............mmmmmmmmm.


And so,to the second part of the blog......my escape from the religious loons.
I can only think the reason i avoided their brainwashing was through the sheer filthiness of my own mind.
I came across the cult whilst having dinner in the same vicinity..............i had wine and reacted the only way i know how.......by routing the conversation to be about myself and by being sarcastic.

Afterwards i felt an incredible urge to do something illegal........and dirty.........and wrong............
maybe i shall wait for a reflections-musings-daly-moloney reunion for that...........ladies,ye're mission should ye choose to accept it............................

It might be the champagne but...

How to explain? How to explain? Well I love my darling musings. I really do. In so many ways and for so many reasons. I love the way she has a fantastic laugh, I think we so often associate a good laugh as being hearty and long and yet a short, almost sarcastic laugh can be just as invoking... that's musings. She's just fun and funny, clever but not serious and... loves a drink but not a drunk!
As for Daly... yes we mention her and we have based this whole blog about her, if you didn't know you should... We didn't know she had a blog, as we are partial to mocking (anything) she didn't want us to know and once we found out we thought what can we do to Daly for having a secret blog and we realized we could create a blog that summarizes Daly's blog so that we created a blog that basically does what Daly's blog does but quicker...
Well anyway Daly... Daly is... hmm to explain. We are cruel to her, have an ongoing joke... actually millions of them about everything about her. But the thing is well no one else would take it and I don't mean that only she is fool enough to take it... no it's not only that she can laugh (full and hearty as it happens, like yours truly) but that Daly can make you laugh. She makes you laugh till you snort, till you cry, till you pee yourself. She has this ability to never ask you for anything and yet to always want to give her everything. She is sincere, generous, funny, genuine, caring, funny and well just Daly, what more could anyone want?
The truth is we had all these plans, all these jokes and well Daly made it, she did what none of us did, as quickly (I still have hope) but only cos she really really deserves it, she got her dream job and still works it.

Basically all this jabbering... sadness, drinking, emotional..? Or just to explain...and wait for it. I don't feel jealous, or angry or or or... I don't know..

Basically currently I hate my job, have an eye problem (the eyeball is fine just the skin around it so the doctor was like ummm here's a specialist's number), am getting over food poisoning, and have well ummm that, I don't know if ye remember (maybe I only told reflections cos I only remember her reaction) but I still have that thing on my breast that I never did anything about, never got round to going to a doctor, always thought it would go down and the doctor said (before ye get scared)) it's nothing to worry about but finally just went to the doc and well.... as ye can guess, I'm a stressed little mofo...

this has become a sob fest. All I wanted to do was say is:

I love Musings and Daly. Love them both. We've had so much fun over the years and it continues on (and long may it last). And I can't even hope to explain I am not jealous, or angry or anything like that... I just I am so happy, genuinely happy, that they're meeting up, I know how much fun they're going to have and I'm glad cos I know how much they both deserve it and have earned it. And I really do love them so much and I really can't help feeling a little self pity (that's too strong a word), but a I feel happy for them and a little sad for me that I won't be there.

So in a weird way, I guess, with no plans for this piece, I just wanted to say, have a great time. I know ye will. Fill ye're whole weekend with stories only fit for the best of the stories that we've compiled over the last few years.

I love ye both and enjoy ye're weekend, and hey, I'll be seeing Harry Potter on Friday and surely Daly will have comments on her blog about it and well then the conversation will truly begin!

The one where I go on holidays.........

i confess,it has been three months since my last holiday.........
so this week,i am off to Edinburgh,to see Daly!
i wonder if i could put it down as a working holiday,daly being the source of much of our blog........maybe get expenses...........must confer with my partner in crime........reflections?

so last year,being a slow holiday year,i aimed to get in five holidays in 2010.my trip to Edinburgh shall be my fourth holiday,so im going to have to fit in a sneaky holiday before the end of the year in order to fulfill the promise of five holidays that i made to myself.And i'd hate to let myself down........

Though,i did visit three different countries on the last holiday(did i mention it was in South East Asia?)so im undecided as to whether i should add that to my holiday tally...........
if i did add it,that would mean that i went on six holidays this year,and that just sounds a bit pretentious..........just because i was on like three different continents or whatever,im still down with the recession and people only being able to afford like one holiday to Spain or something.

Also,i've been working now for like 6 weeks or something atrocious like that,without a break so am in dire need of a city break.

Even better,i get to observe Daly in her natural habitat........which shall be later compiled ala David Attenborough style documentary and blogged.........("and so the male mounts the female"......................).

Its great that with good friends you know,no matter how long its been since you have seen them that within 20 seconds its like you have never been apart and are talking about life/trying to give each other wedgies/discussing nuclear science(poo is nuclear,right?).

And we are going to see the new Harry Potter!
I wonder if Daly is open to bringing a bottle of wine into the cinema............?
Also,how cold is it in Edinburgh at the moment?
Thermal granny underpantaloons?yay or nay?

ah,the dilemma's of a jet setting lifestyle..........................

a musing reflection on writing about stuff........

sooooo,it has been again an age since we last posted.
its not because our lives havent been filled with wonderment and excitement.......or because daly hasnt updated her blog(she has,twice.....she loves her iphone and sundays) but its just that my partner and i have a propensity to lose interest in things after a while...........caus we are soooooo
busy,having moved on to the next thing.......obviously.

things we have previously lost interest in:
-going to lectures/college in general when there wasnt an alcoholic beverage involved
-writing an angry letter to cadburys about the decreasing size of creme eggs(there was an alcoholic beverage involved)
-learning a new language(that year spent learning Italian.....ciao,lasagne)
-certain boys(nosebleed guy and an italian lothario to name a few)

though of course there are things that have kept our interest over the years
-home and away(cept for that one time when they had that really stupid story line that went on for months about who was the baby daddy and angie gave him the letter to say he was the dad and he ripped it up,HE RIPPED IT UP,after 9mths of a story line..........it still infuriates me)
-holding grudges(not me personally..........red does suit me,biatches)
-certain friendships(ciara smells)

and of course writing.
personally i have kept a diary from a young age and have seen my writing skills develop from writing about how i hated everyone(i was a dramatic youth) to my greatest work so far: "Truth and Reconciliations Commissions,gender based violence in East Timor".............

stay tuned for my upcoming works:
-a trail of glitter and blood(my autobiography/crime novel)
-the beautiful narcissist(my biography of Ciara M.Daly)
-an as yet unnamed erotic novella ,co-wrote with my partner

its good to write............